Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is an exciting program. I’ll explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China … If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India . If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .. and If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

And If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . and If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1- spending it at yard sales, or

2- going to ball games, or

3- spending it on hookers, or

4- beer or

5- tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

Conclusion:

You can help America by going to a ball game and drinking beer all day with a tattooed hooker you met at a yard sale.

My favorite.

So most were from a wedding, but it was fun.

Now that I have a camera phone though I’m definitely enjoying the ability to freely take photos of any and everything I see or find interesting or unique (Some of my twitter followers may have noticed in increase in twitpics)

In honor of my new camera phone I’d like to share one of my favorite pics I’ve taken thus far. I hope you like it.

Ok, here’s another one. A freebie.

MUTEMATH – Spotlight

and here’s what I mean by I did it first…

Time Lapse Morning (Spotlight Remix) from Samuel Febres on Vimeo.

and this one… it’s a freebie. Saw it and it must be shared.

Wind from Keat Leong on Vimeo.

(click to enlarge the photo above)

Didn’t I tell you!? Yeah, I did. The funny thing is that I already did this before man! Granted, not with M&Ms. That’s pretty messy I would think, but I it makes sense. I do this with Skittles, however the thought of mailing them the champion skittle never occurred to me. Pure genius by this guy, whoever this Michaelangelo fellow is. Maybe I should seek out some grant money.

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Hat Tip to John aka Human3rror

(Click on the photo to check it out at Busted Tee’s.com.)

Thanks for your time. Feel free to add your own if you think you’ve got one better than the options I’ve got.